To date or not to date

Posted bysandro 12 Comments on To date or not to date

So currently I’m really busy; I need to propose my dissertation topic in August, and my buddy Scott and I are busy starting up a new Internet company and building a prototype of our software. Add to that sailing two days a week, and the desire to keep posting photos on the photoblog, and you can see that I have a pretty full schedule.

But I’m distracted – or rather I’m dissatisfied, and that’s distracting me. I feel like I’d like to engage with someone romantically, but frankly I don’t know anyone I’m interested in dating. Scott has been taking more proactive steps to meet someone (say, why don’t you blog about that once in a while Scott?), and I’ve been considering taking similar steps myself.

In particular Scott, is on Match.com, and quite frankly I’ve been watching his progress over there. But I’m convinced I wouldn’t do well on Match; you see I’ve been dating interracially for sometime now, and it looks like people mostly keep to their own on Match.

Now don’t get me wrong it’s not that I won’t date a black woman, it’s just that I don’t want to limit myself to dating black women. Personally I’m half-Thai (mom) and half-Haitian (dad), and as a result I’ve never felt the need to date women from any particular race. Superficially, I’m clearly a black man; culturally, I have a lot in common with mainstream white america, and spiritually I’m pretty Thai in my beliefs.

While there are sites that cater to interracial dating: Mixed Race, Interracial Match, Black and White Singles, Salt and Pepper Singles; just to name a few. But, I don’t want to limit myself to only interracial dating.

So I ask you, dear reader, what shall I do? Forego dating for the time being, continue meeting people traditionally, or join an online dating community. Leave me a comment with your opinion, and if anyone would like to suggest a dating site that they think works well, please include a link!

12 replies on “To date or not to date”

  3. I stumbled across your blog and I think the site http://www.gottaflirt.com is worth checking out. The format is totally different than what you are probably used to. You pretty much compete in a game show type contest for the girl you like. She asks you and others questions live and then picks a winner or two by your responses. Personally I feel like i’m proactively doing something about my relationship status with gottaflirt.com. It’s much better than posting a description and searching through others, which we all know tend to be embellished…

  4. I stumbled across your blog and I think the site http://www.gottaflirt.com is worth checking out. The format is totally different than what you are probably used to. You pretty much compete in a game show type contest for the girl you like. She asks you and others questions live and then picks a winner or two by your responses. Personally I feel like i’m proactively doing something about my relationship status with gottaflirt.com. It’s much better than posting a description and searching through others, which we all know tend to be embellished…

  5. Hey Sandro (and other readers),

    I haven’t been particularly enamored of how I’ve been doing on Match.com, but it’s for a different reason than the lack of encouragement (or perhaps actual barriers) to interracial dating. Almost without exception, the women that show interest in me on Match.com are the same type of women I’ve met offline at church or house parties with friends. I’m not quite sure why that is or what it means, but a blog post will be better to spin that out than this reply.

    On the interracial front, what Match.com (and most other sites of their ilk) reveal is that a lot of people aren’t nearly as open to the idea of dating or marrying interracially as we might think. The people who started interracial dating sites clearly figured this out before I did and started businesses around that.

    As for what you should do, I don’t think it’s an either/or decision. When you feel like dating, join an online dating community (if only briefly) to try and meet people you might not meet in your normal circles (which is a challenge, given how broad your circles are). You also have a large number of cool hobbies, and it seems like at least a couple of them would be interesting to women.

  6. Hey Sandro (and other readers),

    I haven’t been particularly enamored of how I’ve been doing on Match.com, but it’s for a different reason than the lack of encouragement (or perhaps actual barriers) to interracial dating. Almost without exception, the women that show interest in me on Match.com are the same type of women I’ve met offline at church or house parties with friends. I’m not quite sure why that is or what it means, but a blog post will be better to spin that out than this reply.

    On the interracial front, what Match.com (and most other sites of their ilk) reveal is that a lot of people aren’t nearly as open to the idea of dating or marrying interracially as we might think. The people who started interracial dating sites clearly figured this out before I did and started businesses around that.

    As for what you should do, I don’t think it’s an either/or decision. When you feel like dating, join an online dating community (if only briefly) to try and meet people you might not meet in your normal circles (which is a challenge, given how broad your circles are). You also have a large number of cool hobbies, and it seems like at least a couple of them would be interesting to women.

  7. What about checking out some of the meetings at Meetup.com? Rather than focusing on dating, perhaps a focus on meeting people outside your normal circle of friends/acquaintances? It would be a more “curved” approach to the situation but straight lines are overrated anyway.

    It does seem harder and harder to expand our social circles without aid of computer and I’m not sure if there is just one answer. It may be a number of activities, both online and off, are necessary to jump-start the old dating machine.

  8. What about checking out some of the meetings at Meetup.com? Rather than focusing on dating, perhaps a focus on meeting people outside your normal circle of friends/acquaintances? It would be a more “curved” approach to the situation but straight lines are overrated anyway.

    It does seem harder and harder to expand our social circles without aid of computer and I’m not sure if there is just one answer. It may be a number of activities, both online and off, are necessary to jump-start the old dating machine.

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