I am a lucky man. I know this, and others sometimes remark on it.
I am blessed by a life that runs itself, and runs itself well. But I have always railed against my life saying, “It runs best without my intervention.” I despaired over my attempts to control my own life that led to frustration and disappointment; while allowing life to run it’s course resulted in success and happiness.
I have long since decided to surrender myself to providence, and to reap the rewards of a life of luck. But all the while I remained depressed and alarmed over my lack of control in life.
Tonight, depressed over my latest attempt to force my will on my life I finally realized that I am the cause of my own grief. While I had I long since decided to surrender myself to providence, and to reap the rewards of a life of luck, I have never wanted providence in my life. I sought to control my destiny, but it has never been mine to control.
I now realize it is my duty to trust in the world, and to want to surrender my will to providence. To let go of idea of control and to accept what comes with joy in my mind and love in my heart.